Skip to main content

A Pirate's Code of Conduct for BitTorrent

"One of the biggest wake-up calls of my career was when I saw a record contract. I said, 'Wait - you sell it for $18.98 and I make 80 cents? And I have to pay you back the money you lent me to make it and then you own it? Who the f**k made that rule? Trent Reznor NIN
"In the 17th century, when groups of men plundered the seas in ships filled with rats and scurvy, they agreed on a code to keep themselves civilly uncivil. I propose the same for BitTorrent.

My code isn't necessarily the code for everyone. But it is the code for my ship, my computer, my slow-ass DSL connection that can't steal anything worth a damn anyway. Here is the code that I live by.


Article One
Every man shall upload half of what he downloads, with the saints filling in the rest. It's like tossing back a tiny fish so that it may grow into a great whale...only so we can hunt said whale and feast on its blubber during a later voyage.

Article Two
TV is to be downloaded, movies are to be attended when a man returns to shore. If ye aren't a Neilsen family, what you watch doesn't matter for ratings anyway. Since advertisers pay by rating, it's a theft-less crime. Movies, on the other hand, do see profits of gold and jewels. So support independent/foreign film in the theaters, and save the action flicks with high production values and many beautiful explosions for the big screen, too. Hollywood romantic comedies? They are for plundering (in secret).

Article Three
A man shall steal as much music as he needs to quench his thirst, assuming that he supports the band by attending concerts and buying t-shirts. One should always buy the work of an indie label, however, if the music is deemed pleasant after the new moon, it's time for purchasing.

Article Four
Ye wouldn't be a pirate if ye didn't download Photoshop. But for the office, such manners are frowned upon. Make your employer pay so that others may play. And if a man spends his life building a $10 app, that man has earned his $10. Toss him a coin should you requisition his services.

Article Five
Pornography can keep a man company at sea, but always avoid that dealing with husbandry. Girlfriend sharing is OK, assuming the missus knows she's on the Bay. (We're pirates, not douchebags.)

Article Six
JK Rowling's booty is apt for plundering, but her's is a rare case indeed. If a book be in the library and tis in stock, one could make an argument to download for free. But our conscience dictates that we buy some books to keep good writers in print.

Article Seven
If at any time a man should download a virus, that man must notify the message board immediately. If at any time a man should actively upload a virus, no retributive measure shall be deemed too brutal. An arse becomes fair game for a hook.

Article Eight
After you try it, if you really like it and can afford to do so, buy it."


A friend recently suggested that people only read blogs to see naked women and get information. I am uncomfortable with the naked women thing -- although I have added many unnecessary breast shots as my feeble, half hearted attempt to lure the lurable -- a sort of get them in the door with tricks and then teach them math approach. But informational 'how-to' seems very doable -- so I though I'd start with a public service announcement about the proper way to steal and plunder intellectual property from the internet -- something I am very much in support of.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Wedding and Funeral

Went to a wedding and a funeral this weekend with Mary. Sacramento, Santa Rosa, then home– a whirlwind trip through weekend bay area traffic. The traffic was horrible – life changing horrible, but not unusual.
As with most things, it’s a balance of an the unnamed terror and an easy chair in a padded room that rocks. 
The wedding was delightful, part of an interconnected strong woman’s club that marries off their daughters to provably weaker men. And so, the cycle continues, but the company was nice and I’m too old to wonder at the process anymore.
The funeral was for another interconnected strong woman, who, by hinkey or dinky, was a scary woman that I used to work with as a nurse. She would have been surprised that I outlived her, much as Charles the cat was. Please pay attention out there – this is how life works.
(To be fair, she didn’t put up with shit and I liked to throw handfuls of it around as if I were Christ standing on the back of a broken piƱata heaving candy cigarettes to the…

Only once

For clarity, I think I will write this only once.I do not write confessional poetry, and I do not write things down as a form of therapy. I write because I have something unique to say in a unique sort of way, a way that I think is universal in an analogous manner, not as any sort of literal telling of the truth.  I trowel spackle onto pages with a straight edged blade, I don’t paint aging widows with a brush. (My soul has been psychedelicized, but this shit’s not about me.)It comes in this form – that this relates to that, in this way – A form that I think illustrates things that are too true to be looked at straight on – personal truths that are usually discovered through interactions with other people – truths that are often relational, unreliable and subject to the weavings and debris of human beings. Truths that sneak out and become a miraculous surprise of insight – like a Zen master hitting you on the head with a baseball bat at just the right time.I don’t think I’m the only on…

Jingo is as Jingo does

After I avoided watching that Zany new program, ‘Homeland’ on TV today, I told Mary:
“Someday when we as a nation are down and out and struggling for a bit of understanding and mercy our new overlords will pull out a show like Homeland and say, “this is when you had a chance to change things.”
The things that we do, and the attitudes we take while doing them, will all be used against us on the way down, and everyone goes down eventually. The barbarians will have their scribes repeat our own words to us and then say them out loud to our children as they do the things to us that we have done to them.
We are so powerful that we cannot see anything from anyone else’s point of view, and if we could, it would hold no value to us. Just as we now think that one American life is worth 60 Iraqis, our eventual fall will reflect a different changing math game of attitudes that our educational system has ill prepared us for. We will also become confused because all the words coming out of their m…