Jesus and the Argonauts

Jesus and the Argonauts

Been thinking about Jesus today – all good, not to worry, just thinking about him as a man and all that baggage the Council of Nicaea tacked on to him a long time ago.

Did  Jesus get paid when he was a carpenter – and with what? Where did he put his money -- in long term CD’s or just cash? I’m thinking cash, but maybe that thing with the money changers had a little too much feeling behind it. It has the stink of payday cash advance all over it.

Did Jesus have sex? I mean before he was part god and part goat. If a girl asked him to give her a dirty Sanchez, would he do it? I mean, when you are having sex, where do you draw the line between good clean fun, and something just a bit off the perversion edge?

I bet they had a Dirty Sanchez back in the day – but they called it something else – maybe a smearing marry or something similar in a that punchy Aramaic, tick-tock way they liked to talk back then..

Would it take away from Jesus’ message if he liked the woman to be on top? What sort of noises do you think he made? I guess it depended on how heavy the woman was.

What did Jesus do for a hobby on his down time? It’d be cool if he wrote dark and lugubrious poetry – sort of working out on paper a way to happy joyous and free. I think he probably collected stamps – something to get away from the office, and he did travel a lot.

Did Jesus play sports? I can’t see him kicking the head of a lamb around while riding a horse. I think he was more of a donkey guy, and besides, he was vegetarian. I can see him playing marbles – closest to the hole,

that sort of thing. He probably lost on purpose to blind people and lepers.

Jesus was a funny guy – hard to get a picture of him as a man, but if he wasn’t at least a bunch of a guy – his dying for our sins has no meaning. You can’t torture a god unless he wants to be tortured – it’s a physical law.Without the pain of loss and remembering, the cross becomes just another waiting room on a long slide through forever.