Obituary - 2008-07-03 08:05
My Obituary --
Because, you never know
Michael Brady was declared dead by the State of California this week and funeral arrangements have been made thought the San Jose Chapter of the Neptune Society.
He was due to be 100 this week.
Brady, missing for the last seven years after disappearing on a trip to Italy, was known by most for his articles on medical science, as well as for his bitter rants against the Nation-State of Walmartia.
He is survived by his two children, Allison Rose Kennedy, wife of Billionaire Bob Kennedy, and Michela Siobhan Gates, of Seattle. He may or may not have been survived by his loving wife, Carol Cassara, who also disappeared but has not been declared dead yet—for insurance reasons, due to her large estate.
Brady was born in an Army hospital in Texas in 1954, at the change of shift, so many parts were left on his body that would have normally been clipped. His mother complained that he was a big kid that almost killed her, but at 6 pounds, he always felt that he could have fallen out if she had not been such a drama queen.
Most kids in the 50’s were small-- moms smoked and drank like the fishes, and took many pills as well—Brady felt it was lucky that he and all his friends didn’t have flippers, gills and sucker like lips.
Brady grew up in a military family, which meant that every 3 years, like clockwork, he moved down a seat at the table of life. He felt that the moving at an early age taught him basic lessons that held up later in life.
Relationships have beginnings, middles, and ends—and the cycle lasts three years, so you can plan for it; and, to not worry about cleaning up physical or psychological crap, because in a couple of years you get to leave it in a great big pile for the next group that comes behind you
Well, the lessons didn’t really hold up well, but they did provide for many life experiences that gave him strength as well as interesting scars to show pretty women.
Brady graduated from a private high school in Hawaii in 1973. Records from that time are incomplete, but seem to show that he was an under achiever, at best, and the reason for the private school was that the State of Hawaii refused to let him back into the system after an incident with the Leilehula High school mascot—the “Fighting Mule,” an incident best for others to comment on, but, let’s just say, it involved a spatula.
Brady joined the Navy shortly after high school, or, to put it in a different and more honest way, shortly after his release from a jail in Hampton Virginia on Grand Theft Auto charges. Since Brady was white and the crime was in the South, Brady was convicted of a misdemeanor charge—trespassing, and released to the “Navy.”
After four years of indenture—a nasty, brutish and stuporous period of time, only relieved by the fact that the military had not yet learned how to test for marijuana, Brady gained his freedom, lost his first “practice wife,’ and started goofing off full time in California.
The practice wife, Shannon Hale, disappeared shortly after the divorce with a really big and hairy man, and is thought to be living in Alaska at this time. She was not available for comment, but had, in the past, offered Brady a “letter of referral” to be used for dating purposes, which said, in part, “it wasn’t him, it was me.”
Brady lived for the next 30 years in California and some stuff happened.
Brady married, had two girls, became a registered nurse, got fat, smoked, took large quantities of drugs and exploded psychologically like a fat wet toad stuffed with dynamite. He always termed this time the best thing that ever happened to him, which has led many to question his choice of both adjectives and action verbs.
Brady returned to College in 2003 and received in degree in Journalism in 2009—one of the proudest moments in his life. With his new wife beaming beside him and his Ex telling the kids that it was a fluke, he accepted his degree in a bright red gown of his own design.
Brady’s first novel, “Dead Man Talking,” was published in 2010 to critical and commercial success. The story, told over three days about a man dying, rushed up the bestseller lists, and soon made Brady a wealthy man.
His next book, of poetry, did not sell well, but did garner widespread critical acclaim. He noted, “I don’t care- I’m rich enough and old enough to do exactly what I want to.”
He hit it big, again, with his book showing the cultural strip mining practices of the nation state of Walmartia.
Brady mysteriously disappears after a month long stay in his brothers Villa in Rome with his beloved wife Carol. No one knows what happened to them, but there are rumors, strange sightings-- and clouds around his home that emit random surges of light when the weather changes.